On many occasions our frustrated feelings are a consequence of having a disagreement with a loved one. Surely you are wondering: how is a shoe store going to help me with my problems? Well, yes, literally it does not make sense. Visiting the shoe store is a metaphor that I use to refer to the distinguished phrase that my mother repeats like a broken record “put yourself in their shoes”.

I have to admit that when I was a little girl and I cried to my mom in search for her comfort after having a strong disagreement with one of my friends or cousins, I loathed the fact that she only gave me a short hug accompanied by this phrase. I count this with no resentment because now that I have grow up and matured I am able to understand that my mother was doing me a huge favor. Observing different situations not only from your own perspective but from the one others are having gives you a ticket to see the full movie.

Once you can see the whole picture, it may happen that you realize that the situation is not as complicated or unfair as you thought it was. By understanding the reason for the other’s actions, it is easier to forgive and let go all those feelings that rot us internally. Action that allows us to be an essential tool for society.

On many occasions I ask myself: what would the world be like if we all put ourselves in the shoes of others? Would there be abuse of power and corruption? Would the wars they teach us of have occurred? Would there be a better distribution of wealth?, etc.

Note that when I refer to visiting the shoe store it is not about buying all the shoes, my intention here is not to suggest you leaving the store with a huge debt. Like everything in life, it is always important to know how to find a balance. You must try to understand the other’s motives and purposes, not give him/her the absolute reason when it really does not merit. Your feelings count too. If, once you have tried watching the full movie, you open up with the other, and he/she shows no effort or interest in understanding the reasons for your feelings, let me tell you that this other is someone whom I would call a «toxic person». I suggest you to be careful, having this kind of person very close to you is not healthy, even more if you are going through a moment of vulnerability.

With the above I do not want to imply that one should go around cutting down friendships, I really think that there is nothing more important than cultivating them. Only, to be aware that there are certain persons we need to be more careful with when opening up. That is why I suggest that you keep your radar on, allowing you to choose to have closely those individuals who bring more harmony to your life than those who transfer imbalance.

Taking that into account, it comes to my mind the theory of an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn; «We are the average of the 5 persons with whom we interact the most in our lives». Hypothesis in which he suggests to avoid being influenced by negative people since they always have a problem with each solution and, toxic people since they will do the opposite of leading you become your best version.

…I invite you to ask yourself: Who and how are those five persons with whom you relate the most? How do they contribute to your life? How do you treat them and how do they treat you? After all, there must be a reason why the expression «Tell me who you walk with, and I’ll tell you who you are» is so popular.

Escrito por: Alexia Hansen-Holm Amador

Dibujo por: Thomas McCarthy Hansen-Holm